How to love my husband

So lately I've been really interested in learning how to love people the way they best receive love. I have especially been paying attention to my husband who's main 'Love Language" is words of affirmation. This post isn't going to be any deep thoughts but rather a public commitment to put Ryan's needs first and be held accountable for the words I speak to him. I want to build my husband up. In our culture, I think its especially important for husbands and wives to pay attention to this considering the odds are almost stacked against us to have a marriage free from any serious stumbles or fall outs. I have loved coming to the realization of just how special marriage is and how much I want to protect it. How cool to know that while I'm loving Ryan the best way I can, he has his heart set on loving me the best way he can! Loving this :)

Can God outdo himself??? You'll never believe this!!

If you have not read my previous blog post...please do so before reading this one!


Ok, so last Wednesday I wrote about our housing situation and asked for prayer. Let me tell you, this was not an easy thing as it allowed the blogging world into some personal information about Ryan and I's finances and mortgage decisions. Nonetheless, God has shown me that vulnerability and a little faith goes a long way. I left you with pleads to pray for the impossible. Well, Friday, only 2 days post prayer blog, our realtor called....

THE BANK ACCEPTED AN OFFER!!!!

No stinkin way?!?!? I know, that's what I said! AND, not only did Countrywide, er, Bank of America?? accept one of the offers but as long as we agree to pay a small small portion of our loan over the next 7 years at a modified 0% interest they will file the sale as "satisfied" and our credit will not be destroyed for the next 7 years as we expected!!!!

Umm....I think I could cry just typing this out. Wow...I'm still stunned with this whole thing. Isn't it funny how we ask for prayer for something and then are surprised when God answers? Kinda sad actually. This answer to prayer becomes the second example of what God is teaching me in my life:

I have always loved the idea of God's new mercies every morning. I'm pretty sure I've always liked that because at the end of most days...new mercies are exactly what I'm going to need to wake up to. Earlier this week I was extremely mean to my husband. I said very hurtful things that reflected what I know is not actually my heart, but rather the cleansing of a wound that I perhaps am not handling very well. We ended the night pretty quiet and contemplative on what was going on. I felt ashamed, he felt ashamed, we both felt scared. The next morning, he rolled over from snoozing his alarm and wrapped his arms around me. Grace... I felt wretched and he pulled me close. We didn't even need to rehash what had happened, there was just an understanding that we were both forgiven and needed to move forward. Ryan became the incarnation of God's new mercy. I believe God has taught me about grace through selling our house too. I thought it was about patience, but now I'm sure its grace. We don't deserve to be treated so kindly by our lender. Although the reasons why we had to move were out of our control, they didn't have to meet us where we were. We didn't get off the hook completely, and I'm kind of thankful for that. I know God disciplines to teach and because every good parent must discipline at times. That just shows me the brilliance of our Lord even more.

Thank you Lord for taking care of us. I know you didn't have to extend this amazing grace to us but you wanted to. You always want to. That is overwhelming to think about. Your grace is sufficient and your mercies never cease. I know you are teaching me this because you love me. I'm beginning to understand more what it means to be your child and depend on you and your provision. Thank you Lord for knowing me so well that you answered quickly ( I know, I know, we'll get to that next). You are good either way. If our house had foreclosed and our credit damaged you would still be good. Thank you that you chose to do things a different way. Again, your grace...


So, thank you all for your prayers. Seriously, from the bottom of my heart, the support we've received during this time has meant so much to Ryan and I. I hope this encourages and excites you like it has me!

Does God forget?

I just need to take a moment to ask for prayer. For some reason lately I have been asked quite a few times what the deal is with our house in Phoenix. Here is the deal:

ITS STILL FOR SALE

Now, I'm not saying that I doubt that God is involved with things such as real estate. But I will say that I am queen of comparing my situation with other people's same situation and have started to feel like God has forgotten about us. We've had some friends in the same place as us...needing to move to answer God's call but also needing to do the impossible and sell a house in Phoenix, Arizona. Each of them ended up with amazing offers which left them free from hassle and their credit intact. Not so much for us...

So here is what we need to happen. THE IMPOSSIBLE. We need the bank to actually accept one of the 2 offers on our house ASAP (they are busy dealing with forclosures). A bonus would be that our credit would be spared, or at least forgiveness in the future from a new lender of the unfortunate circumstances that caused this madness! AND, if you're a super prayer, you can pray for the even MORE impossible that some crazy lunatic would want to buy our house for FULL price :) I picture...big superhero, Christian investor man Haha

Regardless of what happens, I am absolutely confident that God has already used this situation to both teach Ryan and I about making such a big decision (such as buying a house) and also accountability and stewardship of His money.

On your marks...get set...pray!

P.S. Don't google image search Christian Superhero...who would have thought that would bring up raunchy images???? Geesh.

to cut or not to cut...

My hair is at the awkard "not long but not short" stage. Girls, you know what I'm talking about. So here it is, your chance to give some input.

To cut...




Or not to cut..
.

Any thoughts??

East to the West, or West to the East?

I took my mom and cousin to Newport Beach yesterday and was explaining to my cousin that the ocean we were looking at was the same ocean Ryan was surrounded by. We decided to send our love across the sea:
Hi guys!! Ry, love you so much, hope you can feel the love coming your way!

"Do not let them look down on you because you are young..."

My 14 year old cousin lives with my parents. She does so because my uncle took his own life just 6 short months ago. This was her current blog post:

"Its time for a change.
Current mood: thankful
Category: Life

Well my life is, well, lets just say awesome .

This year has changed my life for the better.

Let me go over somethings...

1.My stomach problems are gone.

2.I've gone to a better school.

3.Made better friends.

4.Quit some stupid stuff I dont think I need to say what it was.

5.Played softball, got active again.

6.I'm going to church and made new friends there as well.

7.Haven't missed a day of school.

8.Got A's and B's.

9.I have a better relationship with my family.

10.I've realized how lucky I am and that everything is going to be okay things work themselves out I have my family and friends support.

I think God picked me out to go through the stuff I've gone through and maybe share my testimony to another kid in the future or one of my friends and just tell them that everything is going to be okay.

But when one door opens another door closes let me go over some of the bad.

1.I lost my dad.

2.I lost some of my friends.

But that's okay everything happens for a reason.

Right?

I believe so. I am grateful for my struggles.

So yeah everything happens for a reason."

Umm...wow.

I don't know about you but I'm not sure I would have had the capacity at the age of 14 to have a list of positives far outweigh the negatives. Especially only 6 months after losing my dad and completely starting over. "I am grateful for my struggles"??? I do nothing but complain about my struggles and wonder why some things just can't be easier. Seems like we can learn a lot from our young ones. I am so proud of her!

Stretch?

So today I have been indulging in my quarter-life crisis by spending hours online looking for that "perfect" fit of a job. My search has left me more confused and more convinced that I am going to end up like Cousin Eddie from Christmas Vacation and be "holding out for a management position" when I have NO relevant experience with anything. All pity parties aside...I decided to turn on some inspirational music and take yet another spiritual gifts test only to find out that my number one gift is the same as it was back in 2001 and probably won't ever change. Not that I want it to change, hospitality is a great gift, I'm just not sure how to turn it into a career. There is of course the hospitality field such as a hotel but that's not really welcoming people into my home. (Lightbulb) Maybe I could open a hotel or b&b...if anyone would like to fund this please humor me with a comment. I think it could be cool, unlike my shameless attempt to just get someone other than my husband to comment on my blog.
Anyways...my mind immediately jumped to babies as that is the natural place in life I am currently a part of, but even more than that, I wanted to read about fostering/adopting. "Coincidentally" Ryan and I were both seperately thinking last week about adopting our first child and I have been thinking about it ever since. I jumped on a local website to read more about this and as I am reading about becoming a foster parent I hear a man's voice come across the radio telling listeners to "go to OliveCrest.org for more information about becoming a foster family". Lo and behold, that was the exact website I was on doing exactly what that man wanted me to do. Now, I know we as Christians have this uncanny capability of making everything a sign from God, even if there is a perfectly reasonable explanation for the situation but come on...this totally weirded me out. I'm not sure if I'm convinced this was a sign but I'm starting to wonder if this idea Ryan and I came up with isn't really just the doings of the One who tells us to "Defend the cause of the weak and fatherless; maintain the rights of the poor and oppressed. Rescue the weak and needy; deliver them from the hand of the wicked." Psalm 82:3-4


P.S. I still need a job if I'm going to support all the babies I told Ryan to bring back with him from his trip to the Philippines. Any ideas?

I know most people jump all over this thing as soon as something happens in their life. I prefer the procrastinator's way of doing things...

Its been over a week now since we packed up our life in the desert and headed towards the Pacific oasis. It was quite the lonely drive as I followed Ryan and Bella (now known as Izzy) in the UHaul but I guess I couldn't complain about "Felipe" in the new Mazda! We were greeted with a warm welcome and tons of Calvary people moving everything out of the huge truck and into our apartment in about 20 minutes! Some of our new students even decorated our door with posters representing California specific icons. I also got to attend Ryan's first staff meeting where we were introduced to everyone. The staff is great and so so sweet. So far, our experience with Calvary and the people here has been refreshing. I love seeing Ryan just so excited about his job and role here and experience a kind of freedom that he so deserves. I can't wait to see what else is in store for us here because its evident that great things are happening and we're honored to be a part of it all.

Here are some pictures of our first week in California:



P.S. Bella is now Izzy because we couldn't keep her in our apartment so Eric, who works with Ryan, and his wife and two little girls adopted her from us. One of their girls' name is Ella so this ended up being quite confusing for both dog and baby. We were super excited about this adoption as Izzy's new family is so great and they have an awesome backyard for her to play in. We know they will take excellent care of her and love her as much as we do. I'm sure she will do the same for them :) Plus, she is only a mile away and we get to see her whenever we want and they have built-in dog sitters!!

So, a lot has changed in my life this past month. I have become an aunt, said good-bye to my family and new nephew after only 2 days, packed up my 3 bedroom 2 bathroom house in AZ, said goodbye to friends and family there, traveled 7 hours to move our stuff into a 1 bedroom 1 bathroom apartment, and say hello to new friends. Whew, who needs Disneyland when you can just live my rollercoaster of a life?!?! One thing remains the same though and that is that God is good and so much of this change is because of our obedience to Him. Like I said, we're excited for this adventure and starting fresh with people we already love!

Long overdue

Wow....where do I even begin to update you on my life the past month?? First things first, I am an AUNT!! On Friday, June 13, 2008 my big sister gave birth to her baby boy, Eli Ryan Stumpf. I'm not sure I will be able to find the words to describe what this has done to me. I already have tears forming in my eyes as I think about this little person who stole all of our hearts before he was even the size of a pea. You see, this baby was prayed for and prayed for for over 2 years as Kari and Aaron waited patiently to become pregnant. The months of tearful phone calls from my sister began to wear me down as I took on her pain and burden. Now, 9 months after the call we had all been waiting for, we stare at this miracle and my heart feels like it could burst. I don't know if I am just an overly emotional person or if its because there is just something special about sisters, but watching Kari become a mother has brought so much joy! I'm excited to see how Kari and Aaron grow together now as a little family with their son. Basically, what I am trying to say is Eli has already brought so much to our family and we are all absolutely nuts about him!! I can't even imagine what its going to be like to love my own children :)

Californiaaaa...Californiaaaa...here we cooooooomeeee!

I spent all day Friday in California apartment hunting, as Ryan and I are moving to "Cali" in two weeks (sorry Calvary peeps, its just easier to say). The hunt was successful and I found us an apartment to move into on June 18th!!! Crazy!! Only bummer...we can't have Bella there. I'm going to lose it again if I think about it so thats enough for now. Anyways, just wanted to give the update.

P.S. We are 7 miles from the beach so all you AZ folk, COME VISIT!

Man's Best Friend??

Ok, so I've decided two things about our 2 year old Boxer, Bella. First, she is totally a mamma's girl. I cannot go anywhere in the house without her on my heels. Its endearing, but some times a little much. Second, she is way more intuitive than I give her credit for. Ever since we started packing up our house for the big move to California, she has been whimpering and whining and so so mopey. She won't come into a room if I am packing a box, she will stand at the doorway staring at me. She has also become very skiddish, but I think this is all because she knows that something is going on, something big. What I love about her mamma's girl, intuitive personality is that she stays even closer by my side on weekends like this where Ry is away at "Man Camp". God calls us out of lives fueled by fear and into His comfort and I'm pretty sure he created my beautiful little creature to be a tangible proof of that. I know she wants to protect me and can sense that I am a little uneasy alone. Perhaps its the part of my woman soul that longs for a different kind of little creature, but for now, Bella is my baby :)

What if He is silent?

We've all prayed for neon lights or a "sign" to point us in the direction God wants us to go. But what about those times where He, as many fathers do at times, is silent as He watches his child make the decision? I think this happens more often than not, even Mother Teresa, when asked to pray for clarity denied the request because its not necessarily clarity that we need but trust. Its about trusting God not to give me what I think I need but to see me through. Journey vs destination. This is extremely hard for me as I figure out what trusting God is all about. I'm thinking that as long as I'm seeking him in the decision, I can't go wrong.

Ryan and I are facing one of the biggest decisions we will ever make in our marriage. This decision will be the start of a journey where we really see our two lives become one. We will learn to depend on each other more so than we have needed to here in Arizona. This is a decision that will not only affect us but our families, our friendships, our unborn children.

Please pray for Ryan and I as we set out to trust God. Pray for me, as a wife, that I would also trust Ryan as he leads our family, that I would support him because I know that he has my best interest in mind. I am excited for the change on the horizon and getting to fully experience what it means to cleave to my husband as we are now our own little family.

P.S. Please also pray that I don't have to give my Bella girl away to move somewhere. Thinking about that is the closest thing I think I can experience to being a mother and loving my "child" so so much :)

Pessimism wore me out, Fear suffocated my soul

I will try to put into words what my heart wants to shout. I think I have not been able to blog because my fingers cannot keep up with my brain so I give up and settle for keeping my life to myself. Sometimes thats ok, even Mary treasured up her most surreal moments and pondered them in her heart. This, however, I want to share. Not only because of the liberation I am experiencing for myself but because I am absolutely convinced that many other women (and men for that matter) are bound by the same chains I allowed to hold me captive for years.

If my enemy could dangle anything in front of me to steer me off course, I know without a doubt it would be fear. Isn't it interesting and sickening how I found "security" in my fear. To those of you, like my husband, who seem to give fear a run for its money, this probably sounds absurd but stay with me. See, I let my fear of "ANYTHING sink in so deep to who I was that it became my familiar ground. It felt safe to fear because then I was in control. For example, my fear of being rejected by friends and family turned into my attempt to be their Holy Spirit. If I could only make sure they all loved me the way I wanted them to then I would never be hurt again.I have allowed myself to believe untrue things about myself, my husband, my friends, my family, and especially my God. In hindsight, I can point back to very specific incidences that perhaps were God's attempts at teaching, but instead, I allowed them to be instruments of defeat which skewed my trust in the One who is Truth.

This past week I read a book. I mean, read it. Like, started and finished it. I can't tell you the last time I did that. (These past 3 years have been crazier than I'm letting on). It simply walked through some familiar books of the Bible to lay out what each has to say about Jesus and the Way. Reading through this book was like one of those moments where you start to doubt how you still feel about someone you love because you've just been distant for a time, but then you catch a glimpse of them in a new way and your heart rejoices because it knows that your love is right and true. I was thinking today how cool God is to give me the ability to fall more in love with Ryan tonight than I even was this morning. No wonder marriage is a tangible reflection of Christ's love for the his bride, the Church, us. I can't tell you that I fear no more. But I can tell you that my fresh run-in with Christ this week has helped me decide to make the conscious decision to draw on His strength in my moments of fear. This will be something I have to decide to do every morning. To start training my brain to trust Him, and in return when fear comes lurking around to lure me back, I can face it head because of these words of my Jesus....

"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid" John 14:27

Ok Lord, here we go...

Representin' in the Ville

Yes, I am a Westerville North graduate and no, that is not our mascot.

Do not be afraid

We have a dog named Bella. She is a perky boxer who most of the time thinks she is human. She also thinks she is a lap dog and apparently hasn't figured out that she weighs about half of my own body weight. A few months ago....

every time I go to blog...a kid wakes up and I have to shut the computer. I don't even have kids. I need a new job....


go read Ryan's blog...its way better than this one

I have arrived

yay!

:)